CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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