I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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