Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
