You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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