She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
