well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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