a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
