Bisexual people are plain selfish.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
