I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
