ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
