That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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