i just snorted my name. best moment ever
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
