if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
