I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
