im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
