the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
