looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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