I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
