I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
