My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
