WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
