i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
