would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
