you're like a bully in the Christmas story
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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