Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
