Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
