dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
