bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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