Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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