if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm really into asian looking animals
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
