Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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