Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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