Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
