why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
