quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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