so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
