So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So many bounce houses so little time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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