...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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