It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
