i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
