I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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