i think my tv is drunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
