you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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