3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
