they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
