eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
