i permit you to call me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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