why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
