lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
