I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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